The Five Rules of Facebook -- Still!

On July 28, 2009, I wrote about the five rules of Facebook.  A lot has changed since then.  For example, we only wore masks on Halloween or to try on Halloween costumes in 2009. Still, I don't think much has truly changed in regards to Facebook.  Here's the original column:

Life has a lot of rules, which is good because they give rulers something to do besides measure things. In the summer, people follow such important rules as "No running around the pool," "No swimming in the ocean without a lifeguard" and "No accepting candy from a stranger unless the stranger says the candy is good."  I've been noticing, however, that there are a lot of rules people should be following when it comes to Facebook, the social networking site that helps its users to connect with the people that sat behind them in math class (it's about time, huh?).  Although there are probably hundreds of rules that Facebook users should follow, I have come up with just five to get everyone started...

1. Make sure no one else is in your profile photo unless you are definitely better looking and cooler than that other person or other people.  These lesser individuals will likely make you seem superior.  In these cases, assure that you are in the forefront so people know which one is you.  If the people in your profile picture are better looking, cooler or more sophisticated than you are, allow them to be in the forefront with the hope that people will think that one of those other people are you.  To avoid the complexity of this issue altogether, chose a profile picture that simply contains you eating a sandwich...

2. Posting the sad, depressing drama of your life -- ie: "I've lost all hope," "My life is pointless," "My dog smells worse than everyone else's dog," etc. -- as your status will not make you feel better.  It will only make everyone else feel better that they are not you.  If that's your intention, good job: despite what you write as your status every minute, your life has a purpose after all...

3. Taking a Facebook quiz to find out what type of chair you would most like to sit on, what color paper is in your printer and what TV channel best suits your life is about as productive as trying to borrow a writing utensil from a squirrel (which is difficult, trust me).  If you want answers to these types of questions, why not, say, get up and experience the situations for yourself? "But wait," you may be saying. "Some of these quizzes are important, like what celebrity I'm most likely going to marry or what character from 'the Hills' would most likely not want to maybe not have dinner with me." Oh yeah, my bad...

4. Inevitably, the Facebook friends you least care about will be the most likely to dominate your news feed by posting photos of their lives every ten minutes.  Compensate by posting comments like, "Zzzz" and "Borrrrring" under each one.  Worst case scenario, you are de-friended. Good: fewer pictures on your feed means more room for quiz results...

5. Although the inclination may be to update Facebook regularly with notes of all your crazy goings-on, if you want people to truly think you lead an exciting life, don't update your page at all.  That's right, your life is so incredibly busy that you just don't have time to be bogged down with social networking unless it involves catching a latte with a butterfly net.  If you decide to update, do so with your cell phone so that the mobile icon appears.  "Wow, this person leads such a cool life that he has no time to sit in front of a computer" is what I say about myself when I do this -- and so far I've managed to believe myself, too...

I hope these five rules are enough to get people started.  Remember: if anything goes wrong, you have no one to blame but yourself...

But I digress.


Comments

  1. You really have a point in #2. Not by judging those kind of people posted their negative life's it is their right but of course we who read it will be the one to avoid it. For me I unfollow those people or hide notification from them even they are on my friends list. click here

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Know yourself (or at least your pizza)

Sometimes I talk to myself

Read this to get a perfect score on your eye exam.