The Maury Cycle

I wrote this on January 20, 2009. Eleven years later, nothing has changed.

A day off from work has allowed me to do something I have not done in a few years: watch "the Maury Povich Show."  Although it has been a few years since I have watched it, the episode sure seemed a lot like every episode I have ever watched of this show:

1. Woman A says that Man A is father of her child, but Man A denies it.
2. Mother of Woman A yells profanities at Man A and everyone applauds.
3. Woman A then yells, "Yeah, you tell 'em, mamma!  Tell 'em!" and then Man A pushes Mother of Woman A.
4. Maury pretends to be disturbed by this, saying, "Now, we are not here to fight and yell," even though he knows that the show would be one minute long without all of this drama.
5. A string of double-negatives are yelled back and forth among Man A, Woman A and Mother of Woman A, such as "You ain't got no business not no taking care of no daughter." 

I should break my train of thought here by noting that after Maury's show was over, I was able to watch "the Jerry Springer Show," which is exactly the same as "the Maury Povich Show" but more violent.  For example, rather than simply yelling,  "You a fool, you a fool" at Woman A, there would be Woman B who would also slap Woman A continuously, which causes the crowd to cheer.  A double-negative, sometimes even a triple-negative, would follow...

As a side note, I think the one qualification for being on "the Maury Povich Show" is the ability to use double-negatives.  During casting, Maury asks difficult questions like, "Do you have a job?" and if the response is something like, "No, I ain't got no job," then that person earns an immediate spot...

On the episode of "Maury" that I watched, all of the paternity tests revealed that the suspected males were indeed the fathers of the children.  This completes the typical cycle of the show:

6. Man A responds, "Well, then, I am going have to step up and be a father now" -- but with a lot of double-negatives thrown in.
7. Woman A curses for ten seconds, cries and then says, "Okay."

The show then repeats this cycle four times in a row, replacing Woman A with Woman B and then Woman C, etc.  The producers should be happy that I only watch the show once every three or four years.  There's no telling what I might give away otherwise...

But I digress.


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