Summer 2009 Tweets

When I joined Twitter in July of 2009, the only people using it were stalks of corn. I would tweet something and, if lucky, maybe a couple of people would tweet back. We were a close-knit community, me and the seven other people on Twitter. Now, 47,000 followers later, I realize that what I tweeted in the summer of 2009 ended up in a lost chamber of tweets. I am not saying that what I tweeted was particularly life-changing, but hey -- why not let these tweets re-surface, right?

Thanks to requesting my archive from Twitter, I was able to look back at my earliest tweets, and I have compiled some of them below:

July and August 2009...

- I've never been a big fan of guacamole. When I mention that at social occasions, I always feel like such an outcast.

- I'm not sure if I like orange juice from concentrate. It has too much thought put into it...

- If dogs bark, shouldn't trees fur?

- The US Postal Service delivers through rain, sleet and snow, but if your car is in front of your mailbox: no mail for you...

- Right now, somewhere in America, someone is playing backgammon... It's not me.

- Earlier today, someone waved to me. I didn't really like this person, so I gave her a microwave.

- I need to remove William Hung songs from my iPod. I hate being in the middle of a work-out at the gym when all of a sudden, he comes on.

- I picked up the check earlier today. Then I put it down.

- I've never been to Greenland, but I have a good idea of what it looks like...

- I would like to start my own sitcom on the WB. All I have to do is become washed-up and send an e-mail, right?

- Sometimes I try to be environmentally unconscious... At the store, when asked, "Paper or plastic?" I'll reply, "One of each please."

- Today I had to race against the clock... The clock didn't move, so I won easily...

- Every time I try to barbecue potato chips, they don't taste like the store-bought ones. I must be doing it wrong...

- I am training two snails to race around the block. I can't wait until next year when they finish...

- Do radio DJs realize how many people change stations when they start talking about their kids?

- Most seem to do what they can to avoid being outside, and yet, when it rains, they are quick to complain about how it is ruining their day.

- I hate blinking red traffic lights. All that stopping and going cannot be good for my car...

- Is there a national requirement for every flight to contain a crying baby? If so, I think that requirement should be lifted...

- The label on my contact lens solution mentions that the solution eliminates protein... Well, then how are my eyes supposed to get stronger?

- Mouthwash is always so intense on commercials... My experiences with it don't seem to match up.

- Eating a Snickers is nuts!

- My Coke bottle today includes "You could Win Big!" on the label. Tomorrow the label will probably read, "Nevermind."

- There are lots of people at airports I am glad I don't run into regularly...

- Finally saw Hamlet 2... Nothing like the original!

- To make training camp easier for Michael Vick, the Eagles have banned the word "Doggonit." Luckily no one used that word anyway...

- I think the Brewers should open a dorm named Bill Hall. Then they can put that dorm on third base so it can hit higher than .201.

- Why do birthday cards for one-year-olds have words? It's not like these one-year-olds can read...

- Chester Cheetah doesn't need sunglasses to be cool... He should just take them off.

- What twisted series of events needs to take place in order for a seahorse to be born?

- I purchased food from McDonald's four hours ago... More accurately, though, I'm still paying for it.

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